There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
