your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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