Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
