dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
