shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
