I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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