Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
