The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
