god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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