Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
