dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
