No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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