pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
