We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
