Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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