I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
