...so i touched it.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
