Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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