dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
