the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
