Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
