I wannas sexs uuuuu
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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