There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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