Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
