the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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