I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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