This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
