I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
