So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
