im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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