I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
