I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize