what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
