Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
