Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
