the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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