What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
