I seem to have left my pride at pride
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
