At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
