Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
