for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
