She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
