your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My vagina just clenched in fear
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize