some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
