Who wears a wallet chain?!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
being pregnant is like rehab
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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