my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
