I don't remember. Are we still dating?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
