Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
