i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
