i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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