so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
