Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
