Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Who wears a wallet chain?!
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
