She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
