I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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