Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
