worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
3 2 1 whiskey
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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