if i can run in heels then i can drive
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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