ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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