3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
