I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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