He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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