"it" just moved
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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