what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize