Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
