it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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