one word: firstdatebathroomanal
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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